Oh my sweet Runa Tuna..

In 6 days you will be 5 months old! You are the most wonderful thing in my life.

Where ever we go people love you. We were walking in town and a little boy on a bike saw you in the Moby wrap and said energetically, "I like your baby!" That little boy didn't realize that is one of the best compliments I could ever imagine. You seem to like people a great deal. Even while you look at them suspiciously I can tell you generally like energy weaving among people you aren't familiar with.

Lately you are doing so many new things I can hardly keep up! You reach and grab SO WELL it astonishes me every time. You laugh and squeek and cough and coo... You see entities I do not see, and have hilarious conversations with them. I wish I were in on the joke!!

You are really rolling yourself over well now, and I can see hints of you starting to figure out the arms part of crawling. You don't sit up on your own too hot, so it may be another month til I can put you in your Bumbo seat without being able to leave your chubby side.

Your laugh is PRICELESS. Your open mouthed baby kisses coat me in thick slobber and it's hilarious and gross and I love it. You have found your feet and it makes changing your cloth diapers (at 7 a.m. when I am groggy and grumpy and you are yelling at me) very difficult!! You have your feet in your mouth as much as possible.

You met the lady we named you after last week and she loved you. I think you really brightened her day! I am so proud of you, you do very well at church and ceremonies like your Aunt's graduation. As long as I am on top of your signals you are quiet and while this is no small job, I feel blessed every day that my child knows how to communicate to me with out being able to speak or use words.

You are my pride and joy, little baby.

Some squishy baby pictures!!

My Birthday and New Glasses!

Here's my dad with Runa on July 4th, my 27th birthday.

she's a little grumpy due to some serious teething. <3 my poor little velvet head. :(

My husband and I got our yearly set of glasses, thanks to our fantastic health insurance. Runa hasn't made any indication she needs them, but these were too cute not to try on! CUTE baby cartoon face, ahhhh!!!


Yes, I turned 27...I can't believe it. I remember when I thought 30 was old. Back when I had plastic horsies and obsessions with boys named Michael. Back when you are still a girl, but you know you'll get your period sometime soon cuz all the other girls have.

Now, no longer a girl, but feeling like a strong young woman...fearful but full of hoping faith isn't foolish, I realize 30 is really just the beginning. You still have 30 more good years if you play your cards right and even 30 after that if you're lucky.

So now I'm thinking about how our lives will be in 30 years...since I couldn't imagine it before. But I think I still feel that way. Runa will be around my age...what will she have accomplished? How will she balance her fire with her gentleness? How will our relationship have changed...?? So many things to think about. ^_^

Like how will I view this moment in time then?

Runa is growing all the time. She will be 3 months and 3 weeks old on Saturday. I am so excited for sitting up! And Rolling over!!! Teething is a bummer, she has been rather crabby. But she's okay with lots of naps and binky time.

I don't feel the need to fight with myself so much about "me" time anymore. One of the toughest things about Runa is she doesn't like to sit still too long. Constant change in pace, sound, and what she's seeing is pretty important to her. But she has taught me how to enjoy holding her and surrender to being present with her. I love the way she holds on to me and responds to my rocking and voice.

She amazed me yesterday... I unwrapped something and was crinkling the plastic wrapper. She seemed interested so I showed her and made exaggerated movements with my hands so she could understand. She let loose the vintage hanky in her hand, grabbed the plastic, and began to crinkle it!! I'm so proud I could blind everyone with this smile, ha ha. She is holding up her head and chest so much now, and lays over my shoulder squeeking and growling and listening to her voice.

I'm feeling like life is getting some where back to normal. There have been some serious bumps in the road but we are still going strong. I am kind of a 'severe highs and lows girl' sometimes, but I can say for sure that I have a beautiful and blessed life. I have been spending time with friends and feel loved. My husband and I are ever growing, as parents, and now more than ever as people. The world seems a far different place once you feel what it is to love a child and surrender your life to them.

I got this tattoo today (part one) and it symbolizes the constant growth of he and I's relationship. He is getting a matching one on his foot in a week or two.

two point five

Runa was 2.5 months Earthside as of Saturday. It has been a crazy ride so far!

When I think of her birth I am sent back into the incredulous state I was in when I looked down at my bloody little treasure for the first time. I imagined it differently, thinking I would be emotional and epically charged with some poignant moving emotions. Instead it was the deepest state of shock I have ever experienced. Wide eyed, charged with the intensity of the universe, and completely thunder struck.

One of many turning points during this last two and a half months. I look at her first images now and miss that little squish-shaped head. They are interesting little creatures...so tiny and so full of instincts and wonder.

Everything Runa does now seems like she has always done it. It gets harder to remember her when she couldn't hold her own head up. Her little baby body is dissolving into a chubby cherubic version of itself....a fat squishy baby with the best German cheeks!! She seems to be hanging on to the blue eyes she was born with. The centers are light blue like my friend Leah's girl were when she was a baby.

I wanted nothing more my whole life than to have a blue eyed baby girl. I also dreamed about a big brown eyed boy but that possibility has yet to be seen. ^_~

My friend Yana is pregnant!! I am so happy for her, this is her second baby. I met her when I was working at Ulta, she was such a beautiful pregnant vision. We got to talking and ended up facebook friends. I rented her birth pool when Runa came along. Now there will be 3 labors of love in that pool ^_^ Neither of us successfully birthed in the tub but have our fingers crossed for the possibility of one in the future!

I don't know how to feel about a second baby. I change my mind day to day. The timing would have to be right. I'm just starting to feel the liberation of wearing cute clothing, having more than just A beer, and fantasizing about art projects and new styling techniques. Another baby would just complicate finding out who I am with one.....I won't know for a few years. I do get a magical twinge in my smile when I imagine my brown eyed boy though ^_~

Runa is a feisty baby. She is incredibly sweet and docile when her needs and demands are met. She cries with an abandon I wish I had time to remember. Babies are honest if they are nothing else. Her eyes are hungry for every detail and she craves the vibrations of constant movement. She perches her wobbly little head on my shoulder and props a chubby arm under it and surveys her world....casually gnawing on her balled up fist and drooling down my arm.

I love her head! I rub my face in her tufted baby hair and kiss her constantly. She smells of cradle cap, baby slobber, warm silken baby skin, and sweet breast milk. She runs hot like her Daddy, so her sweat and mine are on a constant exchange. ha ha, Mama perfume is baby excrements. I love it.

Hope to have some pictures to share next time. Still working from the old lap top due to a crappy wireless card in my new one.

<3

Long Overdue...

I have so much to say...so much to catch up on...

Runa will be 2 months old tomorrow. I love this chubby little creature more than I have ever loved anyone or anything....it has been a beautiful, terrible, ever tempering experience.

I hope to post a birth story soon! I made sure much of it was on video tape. The basics include a 31 hour, drug free labor and birth, safely and comfortably in our home. She was absolutely perfect, her heart rate never faltered one time, my little fire goddess. Such a bright, alert, communicative baby. She breaks my heart and makes me cry with her need for my affection, care, and love. It is an intense and world shaking thing, being a mother.

I was highly idealistic before Runa came Earthside. I am learning not only about how to be her mother, but how to live my life all over again. This new life is such a delicate balancing act. I also am learning how to have a relationship with my parents all over again. I think I have managed to avoid any major melt downs, though I have had my moments of wanting to run into a wall repeatedly until I fall into a blissful 10 hour REM sleep...ha ha

I haven't the time now to really share anything else, but I have been in mind of my lacking blog attention. This is an I.O.U. for more baby goodness soon!

XoXo

A Joy and a Privelage

What a beautiful past several days I have had! Baby shower on Saturday, Midwifery Workshop Sunday, and another beautiful prenatal massage with my spiritual Mother Monday. The last leg of this pregnancy is looking up!

here are the past few days in pictures ^_^

Camellia's Sin Tea Parlour

That's Hope in the pink hat, my friend Diana to my left and my mother in law to my right ^_^

Beautiful favors and gifts. Diaper cake, tea cup mementos for the guests with tea samplings inside, and my wish tree, which I was later quite tearful over when I finally got home and unpacked all the generosity of my friends and family ^_^



me and my sister in law Autumn ^_^



This was at the mid wife work shop ^_^

top hand on Runa's hiney, bottom on her head

my midwife, Rowan, listening to her heart beat with a stethoscope

this is me hearing it for the first time, i have heard it with the fetal heart monitor thing, but it comes out very electronic this way I could hear the tiny valves pumping...I got a little tearful, it was amazing!

my doula Steph listening to her heart beat through my skin! apparently because I'm such a small woman and the belly is so tight, it is easier to hear her from right outside. I think her placenta being on the back of my uterus helps too...

another midwife having a listen ^_^

I felt so honored and loved at this event. I was so glad to help out and lend my baby belly to these compassionate nurturing women who believe in a better way of birthing. I haven't felt so special and amazing during my whole pregnancy and I truly feel blessed to have had the experience and able to share it with my unborn baby girl!

36 Week Belly Cast!

Jason and I did our belly cast tonight ^_^

What a neat thing to have ^_^

Jason wants to paint a rose on the belly with Runa inside it, then make the sky on the chest with how the planets/stars are aligned for her birthday. I love this man, what a creative beautiful sentiment to have for our child someday.

So, since we now have roughly one month til our sweet one's expected birth day, we have some loose ends to tie up. Making appointments like dental since our new health insurance just kicked in, and making final house arrangements in order to have new furniture by the time she comes along.

I have made the tough decision to have my 5 year old cats declawed. That happens later on this month. This only comes after being subjected to painful "love" kneading, playful accidents, and least important, the shredded furniture. When I was a single girl, my crappy furniture could happily take a beating. My baby girl cannot take a kitty claw with out it ending in kitty death...and it would be nice to purchase some nice new furniture and not have it ruined. I have opted for the more expensive laser surgery, which gives them quicker/less painful healing time. My kids are indoor predominantly, and when they are out cannot be trusted to avoid things like oncoming traffic, so Mommy has to keep them fenced. It's not something I do with little thought process.

Our income tax return is paying for a new sectional with chase, AND kitty de-weaponry, thank heavens for that extra bit of money. I am looking forward to sitting on a new couch that doesn't have flat lifeless cushions and ugly shredded arms. The whole lay out of our living area is going to change for the better, not only making it cozier for us but making it more enjoyable to have guests over as well. My mother in law is supplying us with a sectional-matching cushy rocking recliner also for breast feeding baby at all hours.

I am anxious to get our space in order! I prefer to have a cozy guest friendly space, especially since I am going to need a lot of help with Runa in the beginning. I also hope to be able to do some nice things with the yard space this year, including a potted garden and some minor landscaping. We have to address the issues we have with mosquitos and fleas, but the past tennants have been able to make it nice back there, so I am confident we can solve that issue in time.

Oh Lordy, Troubles So Hard

*sigh*

Well today was a hard day, and before I go into why I'd like to say that I'm ok now, and feeling really blessed to have people around who care. I actually sort of asked for help for once in my life and was happily greeted with encouragement and support. I guess I better surrender to that action because from what I hear I am going to need it a lot soon.

So yesterday I ate my cereal for breakfast and then brushed my teeth. I seemed to be crunching on something which I thought just might be remnants of my honey bunches of oats, but alas, after running my tongue around my teeth discovered that two of my wisdom teeth are actually starting to crumble away. They are on top so I never even noticed until now that there was anything more going on than all the typical things I read about in my pregnancy books. I expected the bleeding gums and gross taste. Heck I even got an expensive Sonicare tooth brush to help combat the woes of pregnancy mouth.

I wish I could just yank the teeth myself but I shall have to make an appointment with my dentist for next month after Runa is with us. I had been meaning to get them taken care of anyhow, they are tight against my mouth and nearly impossible to clean around. The gum line around both sets (top and bottom) is always inflamed and prone to bleeding.

Then last night I was noticing how every time I went to the bathroom, I would finish and come back downstairs and still feel like my urethra was trying to open up and let a little loose!!! Uncomfortable but nothing new considering my long history being prone to Urinary Track Infections. Well, later on that evening I sneezed and peed myself. Glory, glory, hallelujah, I'm incontinent. No not really, just pregnant, but this really wasn't fun.

I had my last blood test this week, got the results today and low and behold it was WORSE than last time!! It certainly explains the extreme tiredness I have been experiencing yet again. My midwife said I am still safe for home birth but JUST barely so. If I can't stop bleeding after I give birth to her, I don't want to risk a home birth (I'm not that stubborn) but this has been my dream!! I have practically demonized the very idea of a hospital since my time spent in one trying to figure out my UTI woes....so this is not good.

It is certainly easily explained, however. I had run out of my Floravital (a gluten free liquid iron supplement) and because I didn't read the label hadn't been taking it as I was supposed to anyhow (twice a day rather than the once a day I was taking it). I had some samples but was spacing them out and finally was out of those too. I have been eating pretty poorly due to feeling so tired and lazy.

SO, besides sleeping poorly, peeling cracked nipples, groin pain that comes and goes, and everything else I'm dealing with I now have to get my blood vital and strengthened in a matter of at most 4 weeks.

My mantra is that this is all preparing me for the real struggles associated with being a mother. That this is only the beginning and if I learn to surrender to it now and laugh, I will be better off in the long run. I understand I have the right to break down and have a bad day and just cry, and cry I shall! However, I also know that even the hardest of struggles will eventually seem small in comparison to the gifts my daughter will give me.

My love for my baby out weighs all these humiliating bodily actions. They are a part of this journey, meant to shape me into the strong woman my daughter needs me to be. If I learn to laugh at myself, I can teach her not to take herself so seriously that she loses sight of important things in her life. If I learn to ask for help, she will know it is ok to trust people enough to get help if she needs it.

Oh, Runa, you are going to be the greatest love of my life...and I am terrified and excited for it.

<3

Almost Ready

It's getting close!

It's got me thinking about the journey to this point....most of it seems hazy and frustrated but I attribute it to the epic transition! It has been magical, sometimes painful, frustrating, mind blowingly amazing, humbling, enlightening...completely worth it and necessary.

I love you, little Runa! Your Daddy loves you so much! He bought the material to make a cast of us while your tiny body is inside me still ^_^ he is so excited! I am so happy to see him light up when he talks about you. We have our differences, but one thing we know is how much you are loved! I'm so glad we share ideals on how to raise you and nurture you. I know it won't be easy but knowing that we support each other makes it a lot less daunting.

I'm so tired of feeling tired. ^_^

Not Too Long Now...

Well it's getting down to the wire...it's felt like an eternity but now all of a sudden the time seems to be flying! In one week Mimi is having our first baby shower at Camellia's Sin Tea Parlor. Then the following weekend Aunt Autumn is having one for you too ^_^ Then about 3 weeks after that is your due date!

I can feel all the outlines of your tiny body inside my belly. I can tell what is a knee, or a foot, or a hand...in fact every once in a while I can see the out line of fingers through my skin and I swell with pride and amazement! I can't wait to pull you from the water and feel your skin against my naked chest.

Today I mused about what your skin will smell like, and watching you make your way to my breast to bring forth my body's natural and innate ability to feed you. I imagine those first few hours of your life here, quiet and exciting...finding out how much your little body weighs, seeing the change in your Daddy and watching him experience the greatest love of his life all over again...only this time so much more so than our wedding day ^_^

My head and heart are filled with thoughts of tiny hands and feet...a fuzzy crowning head...tiny baby lips and toothless gums. I wonder how your cry will sound...and if all these active nights have anything to do with how you will be when you arrive (which is fine with me, Mama's a night owl too!)

Oh Runa, you are already so loved and anticipated...I just cannot wait to meet you. I was thinking about how while you weren't a solid, written down planned baby, in my heart I planned you before I even met your Daddy. I knew I wanted to meet Mr. Right when I was 23, and 2 months before I turned 24, I met your Dad! I knew I wanted to get married at 24 or 25, and December 6, 2008, your Dad and I eloped in Hawaii (I was 24). And finally I knew by 25 or 26 I wanted to be seriously considering pregnancy...and about a week after my 26th birthday, I found out you were growing in my belly!

Had we waited to plan a baby, I would not have realized that I am meant for greater things than dealing in sales and numbers at some soul-less corporate entity. I might still be earning an income and spending it all on clothes and "stuff" to fill a void I just couldn't place but felt so overwhelmed by.

Because of you I now understand who I am and how to make my life useful. I care for others in a deeper way, and I understand the importance of nurturing and health. I do a better job with being compassionate with myself. I waste less time with people who clearly have no intention of being helpful and positive, and devote more time to people who are connected with the Earth and who have a good idea of natural laws.

You make us whole in a way no one else ever could, our first little love. I continue to be in complete awe of how you teach me more about love than I ever imagined could exist.

Food Blog

I has been feeling an itchy wrist to start making quilts....and maxi dresses. And baby maxi dress cocoons...^_^

There is a hole in the couch where the rear of this pregnant mama sits every day. Husband said his Mum wants to get us a recliner sectional for the baby and that makes me feel excited! I imagine it in maroon...and how much b.s. Ima hafta take about the cats and getting them declawed. Luckily it's expensive and we don't have the money!

I have ordered the birth tub liner ^_^ Waiting on it to arrive! Listed tons of vintage earrings on etsy: girltwinexchange There's also some vintage clothing, of which, I have more to list! Being home has allowed for me to have more time for these things...which I think I am going to enjoy doing more and more as I figure out my groove of getting it all in some kind of schedule.

Another client I had once had from Ulta called this week. Surprise surprise, their arch expert is horrible and their salon hasnt satisfied her. ^_^ So i have to give her a calla nd set something up before baby arrives.

Runa is very active and strong! I say this all the time but it's become my mantra for her! I want to raise a strong confident daughter who has been prepared for life. If she's anything like us, she will be sensitive and artistic and it can be hard when your feelers are naturally set to 'hyper aware'. My belly just ripples with her little elbows and knees and feet!

My body is doing better lately than it has however my throat up around my ears inside has been feeling like it could be sore. I have been planning our meals and lunches more closely lately and it seems to be having a really positive effect on my peace of mind. More salads and fruit options need to be the majority of our diets, no matter if we want to eat them or not. Once you push yourself to be healthier, the need for garbage food (our bodies doesn't process well anyhow) becomes obsolete.

I am begining to become keener with what gets wasted and what is used soonest as well. It seems in
7 full days we went through about

5 gallons of spring water
2 cartons of milk
3 cartons of juice

(cartons are half gallons I believe)

1.5 bags of salad greens
2.5 loaves of bread
one small salad dressing
1.5 containers of trail mix with nuts and fruit and chocolate
1.5 containers of almonds/cashews

about 3/4 lb lunch meat
about 1/2 lb cheese
5 apples
3 bananas
1 small package of blueberries

I would def step up the amount of fruit and nuts that I got, but maybe split up the shopping trips to twice per week. Salad greens are better if you get one at a time (by the bottom of the second you are starting to get slimy leaves) and I like getting smaller containers of things like dressing and mayo because it seems to be fresher product...tho the idea of all those smaller containers in the recycling bin does hurt a little.

We also got cans of soup and things like brown rice and canned veggies and meats. We seem to be eating salmon chicken and steak predominantly.

This summer I am hoping to have a raised bed garden with things like herbs, tomatoes, sweet peas, leafy greens like arugula and chikory and spinach. We have a family of squirrels I am nervous about...hopefully I can compensate them enough that they won't need my fresh veggies! We found our holiday pumpkins with holes and the seeds and pulp dragged out this year..ha ha, it was cute.

I hope to get into canning this year as well. My husband spent some money last year and bought the entire new printed series of the Fox Fire Books, so I have a feeling I am going to learn a few other earthen things this year too!

Oh the itching...!

Hands free!

Sweet Baby Ru, you have the hiccups right now. You get them a lot!

You are active and vital! You amaze me everyday with how incredibly strong you are and how my skin holds you close to my deepest parts. Our birth class friends gave birth to their baby girl yesterday! She was 4 weeks early but ready and doing well.

I am so excited to meet you!! I can feel your little joints, hard and searching the scope of your reach. You have a hard little butt you like to press in between my rib cage while I'm trying to sleep at night. I picked up the Hypno Birth book again today and am going to make it a point to listen to the cd every day at least once now. We are getting pretty close...time to buy the liner and get the tub ^_^

This is me and my Mom at church ^_^

My dad is giving us my great grandmother's little rocking chair...low and armless but one of the only heirloom pieces I have of my family. I will also likely pass on my crib too. I am happy to have the chair because it will fit in the house even though we have almost no space. I asked for it and there was no hesitation so that was lovely ^_^ I think My dad is putting some of the family geneology on it as well ^_^

I am carrying her out in front of me now, and high. Skin is tight, belly is hard. Baby is growing. Oh my...soon life changes forever.

^_^

Colostrum!

I'm learning all about my new baby feeding boobs!

^_^

It started fairly early into the pregnancy...I'd undress and notice a bit of some strange white crust in my bra. What is THIS?! Well it doesn't hurt, must be nothing.

Now both sides are in full leak, and every day I make sure I spend some time squeezing it out so that by the time Runa gets here I will already have a good handle on how to help her nurse it out. I have been told with good practice my milk will come in 2 days after she is born, and in that 2 days she will feed off the colostrum and her "brown fat" that all babies are born with for those first 2 brand new days of life here.

It started as clear liquid, but now there are 2 types which mix once they work their way out. One is clear and one is a rich golden color. At first it made my nipples dry to coax it out but now it makes them soft. They still get a little dry but not like before. I am hoping to avoid as much of the nipple discomfort of newly nursing breasts as possible. By then it will be a bit warmer, so I do hope that will help.

Our exam with Rowan today went well. ^_^ I now weigh 142.4 pounds, and it's all baby. My last weigh in was 141. So Runa is gaining about a half a pound per week.

I was concerned that if Runa comes early Rowan may still be on vacation with her family, but she said Runa will be on time or late, and be in the 7 pound range. ^_^ That was majorly comforting. Once again, Runa favors the proper birthing position. Back always on my left side, head down, hiney pointed into my rib cage.

I feel very blessed to have had such a perfect pregnancy for my baby...it's been a struggle for me but for Runa it has been gentle and just perfect.

I have decided to look into teaching Hypno Birth in Carlisle at Simple Well. I felt that our classes were a bit far to travel and I didn't feel as connected to the teacher as I felt I could have been.

There are amazing things happening in Carlisle with Simply Well from an amazing Chiropractic practice to mothering support groups and all kinds of yoga classes! I'm feeling so glad that there is such a warm web of support for the way I want to raise my daughter. Also, immediately next to the Simply Well house is a Whole Foods store, AND some of my favorite shopping locations and restaurants in Carlisle right with in one block!!

Well, I'm off to relax a bit and try to find a comfortable position to sleep in...I've been battling the stomach flu I picked up from my husband while trying to finish up a big portrait commission and make time to nap. I'm really over a burning tummy after everything I eat...however hot water with a little honey seems to fix it up for a while.

xo

it's a fat foot water retaining kind of day

It's snowing again. It's warm and cozy inside my home though, and I'm sure Runa feels warm and safe.

I pulled more stuff out of my closet today, some is going to a vintage clothing store for cash/trade and some is going up online. Every time I do this is can be a little difficult but the end feeling is lighter and more space in my room to move around and I do know...it needs to be done. I don't wear more than half of the stuff, even when I am not encumbered with baby belly.

Any room I can make for Runa is not only necessary, but an exercise in living for my child and not for myself. I can sometimes resort to selfish tactics to cope with life and there just isn't room for this anymore. It's time to face it; we rent a small house, and we have more than we need here.

There will always be amazing vintage items out there I can buy once we live in a bigger space, and have a better combined income. Right now, I can be stylish with fewer pieces in my closet. I need to learn to let go of things, so I can learn to let go of other things clogging up my psyche as well.

Here's a picture of her blanket:

Minty Fresh

Runa is very strong. I feel sturdy movement from her. So little and so full of fight! My bladder would appreciate a little less of her shadow boxing though...

I feel hungry a lot more often. I am always so excited to eat...my mouth actually waters and I feel so good after I do. I'm doing better with making sure to feed myself as well.

My boobs are a lot fuller and feel a little sore. I am expressing colostrum from both sides now...getting ready for Runa's first couple of days before my milk comes in. My belly seems impossibly large...and Runa is doubling her size between now and March 27th ^_^

Sometimes I wonder about when she will decide her tiny body is ready for this plane. Will I carry late..or will she come early? I hope not too early because Rowan will be traveling until mid to late March.

I am working on a baby blanket for Runa. It started out as a pink blanket. I painted my nails with Essie Turquoise and Caicos and while I was working on it I thought how nice it would look with mint, so now it is pink and mint... ^_^

trying to figure on a few more accent colors....

...hard to believe...

Next week is already the first week in February!

I was supposed to have some kind of baby shower, I suppose and a few people have asked about it. I honestly don't care about having one!

It feels like too much stress, and I just wish after we have the baby, we could have a party for you, and people could bring gifts if they wanted to. It just seems to me that we have been able to get a lot of things free from homes with older kids and babies, and that we ought to just get it all that way...I mean as much as what is possible. I know there are things we will need to buy new, but it seems like there are plenty out there that are already made, needing to be used.

Like for instance, bottles. What happens to them once you're done? They ought to just be passed on to some other new baby who needs them. I will be SO happy to donate and give away all the baby stuff Runa out grows!

i have become very conscious of the earth lately and I would like to be more kind to her. There are simple practical things I can do in order to stop contributing to pollution. Conserving resources, recycling things, and working in gardens are some plans for the new year.

Long term, I think I would like to take the chemical aspect of my cosmetology practice, out of my menu of available services. I would prefer to be focusing on wellness and natural beauty. I am becoming aware of every chemical I put down the drain now. Just as I am watching everything I put into my body for my baby, I am leary of how I am hurting the Earth.

I predict in a few short years I am likely to become a tree hugging hippie. I'm already lusting after comfy hemp sandals and homemade skirts and pants on etsy. ha ha

31 weeks ^_^

I have pretty serious anemia, and have been taking a liquid iron supplement in order to combat it. It is helping.

I had a rough week a few back, filled with restless sleep, very bad dreams, and a few burnt bridges. The anemia seems to be the core issue, though I feel no need for reconciliation.

My pregnancy is teaching me what my life is worth living for, and other people's vanity and closed minds are NOT it. I am not going to allow other people to make me feel uncomfortable any longer. I am not going to go out of my way for people who do not deserve my time or efforts.

I am going to start listening to my own heart more, and I'm not sorry about it.
^_^


I have been getting closer with my mom lately, which has been important. I feel as though the struggles in her life are lessening and she is trying for a new life. I am not holding any high hopes that we will have a flawless and perfect relationship, however, I am going to be more communicative. I believe that with time and compassion we can heal our relationship.

We are planning on working in her boyfriend's family garden this spring and summer (with baby Runa in the sling ^_^) and working with my husband's mother to learn about canning. I think what we want and need in life is changing, and it's becoming more about what is real and less about what is vanity.

I'm very excited for the future!

Hypno Baby!

We have started the Hypno Birth classes, and they are very useful! I am learning so much about myself. The breathing exercises are working wonders and I am truly finding that I have the power within myself to quiet my mind. Marie Mongan's voice through my ear buds guiding me is as soothing as listening to my Nana. It is really empowering and wonderful to feel as though I have control in a way I never did before.

Runa kicks like crazy almost all the time now. Big kicks that poke out and run the whole length of my belly. She feels strong and vital.

Today I had severe cramps and pain in my lower back, lower uterine area, and in my groin. Lifting my legs was so painful it made my bones feel like they were ripping. I will be so happy to have my body back in 4 months...I understand the accomodations I am making are for my sweet baby but it is becoming more and more difficult to function and move and I have 3 full months to go still.

I guess I must just breathe!

This Year, I Meet Runa ^_^

This is a picture from My friend Hope's lovely birthday party the day before NYE.

Today marks the first day of our 29th week ^_^ That means we have 12 total weeks til Runa's due date.

I had an amazing time with my friend Barbara at Camille Baughman's Theraputic Massage in Carlisle. I started listening to the Hypno Birth CD that I got in the back of the Hypno Birthing Book. Barbara endorses the process Marie Mongan uses emphatically. I am going to make some copies of the information in the packet we got and give it to my mother and Barbara so they can become familiar with the process. Even the language is different so it should be more successful for us all if we are on the same page.

Barbara wants to take a look at my birth chart and help me better understand myself. She is going to help me discover the proper way for me to meditate. I got a fantastic chart for free at cafeastrology.com. It explains a whole lot of things but I know Barb will have a lot of other insights to share as well. When she talks to me there is some kind of unspoken understanding...similar to what I have with my own mother. She can speak to a part of me that I'm currently timidly awakening within myself, and I don't feel afraid or anxious when she accesses it. I am excited for the spiritual work I will be able to do with the tools I am discovering I have always had.

I am particularly interested in the Saturn Return that is on the way for me in my 28th year. I know that the tools I am learning to use will help me with all the relationships in my life...including the new relationship I am going to have with my daughter.

It was a nice NYE, spent with friends and gorging myself with delicious food. Runa is always hungry and so am I!

Hoping to get to Baby's R Us this week with my best friend before she heads back to California. I want to price crib mattresses so we can set ours up in the bedroom and put the widdle sheets and bumper on... =^.^=

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So excited!!!!!!!!

So, 2011 resolutions include working on the spiritual side of my existence, making more time for drawing and art, and adjusting to all the changes of sweet Baby. I think that's more than enough on my plate but secondary items include building my client book and getting an actual "work for someone else" kind of job that is guaranteed income.

It was a blessed and trial laden 2010, and I know the future will have it's ups and downs...but I believe in my husband, I believe in my heart, and I know life is only getting better ^_^