A Joy and a Privelage

What a beautiful past several days I have had! Baby shower on Saturday, Midwifery Workshop Sunday, and another beautiful prenatal massage with my spiritual Mother Monday. The last leg of this pregnancy is looking up!

here are the past few days in pictures ^_^

Camellia's Sin Tea Parlour

That's Hope in the pink hat, my friend Diana to my left and my mother in law to my right ^_^

Beautiful favors and gifts. Diaper cake, tea cup mementos for the guests with tea samplings inside, and my wish tree, which I was later quite tearful over when I finally got home and unpacked all the generosity of my friends and family ^_^



me and my sister in law Autumn ^_^



This was at the mid wife work shop ^_^

top hand on Runa's hiney, bottom on her head

my midwife, Rowan, listening to her heart beat with a stethoscope

this is me hearing it for the first time, i have heard it with the fetal heart monitor thing, but it comes out very electronic this way I could hear the tiny valves pumping...I got a little tearful, it was amazing!

my doula Steph listening to her heart beat through my skin! apparently because I'm such a small woman and the belly is so tight, it is easier to hear her from right outside. I think her placenta being on the back of my uterus helps too...

another midwife having a listen ^_^

I felt so honored and loved at this event. I was so glad to help out and lend my baby belly to these compassionate nurturing women who believe in a better way of birthing. I haven't felt so special and amazing during my whole pregnancy and I truly feel blessed to have had the experience and able to share it with my unborn baby girl!

36 Week Belly Cast!

Jason and I did our belly cast tonight ^_^

What a neat thing to have ^_^

Jason wants to paint a rose on the belly with Runa inside it, then make the sky on the chest with how the planets/stars are aligned for her birthday. I love this man, what a creative beautiful sentiment to have for our child someday.

So, since we now have roughly one month til our sweet one's expected birth day, we have some loose ends to tie up. Making appointments like dental since our new health insurance just kicked in, and making final house arrangements in order to have new furniture by the time she comes along.

I have made the tough decision to have my 5 year old cats declawed. That happens later on this month. This only comes after being subjected to painful "love" kneading, playful accidents, and least important, the shredded furniture. When I was a single girl, my crappy furniture could happily take a beating. My baby girl cannot take a kitty claw with out it ending in kitty death...and it would be nice to purchase some nice new furniture and not have it ruined. I have opted for the more expensive laser surgery, which gives them quicker/less painful healing time. My kids are indoor predominantly, and when they are out cannot be trusted to avoid things like oncoming traffic, so Mommy has to keep them fenced. It's not something I do with little thought process.

Our income tax return is paying for a new sectional with chase, AND kitty de-weaponry, thank heavens for that extra bit of money. I am looking forward to sitting on a new couch that doesn't have flat lifeless cushions and ugly shredded arms. The whole lay out of our living area is going to change for the better, not only making it cozier for us but making it more enjoyable to have guests over as well. My mother in law is supplying us with a sectional-matching cushy rocking recliner also for breast feeding baby at all hours.

I am anxious to get our space in order! I prefer to have a cozy guest friendly space, especially since I am going to need a lot of help with Runa in the beginning. I also hope to be able to do some nice things with the yard space this year, including a potted garden and some minor landscaping. We have to address the issues we have with mosquitos and fleas, but the past tennants have been able to make it nice back there, so I am confident we can solve that issue in time.

Oh Lordy, Troubles So Hard

*sigh*

Well today was a hard day, and before I go into why I'd like to say that I'm ok now, and feeling really blessed to have people around who care. I actually sort of asked for help for once in my life and was happily greeted with encouragement and support. I guess I better surrender to that action because from what I hear I am going to need it a lot soon.

So yesterday I ate my cereal for breakfast and then brushed my teeth. I seemed to be crunching on something which I thought just might be remnants of my honey bunches of oats, but alas, after running my tongue around my teeth discovered that two of my wisdom teeth are actually starting to crumble away. They are on top so I never even noticed until now that there was anything more going on than all the typical things I read about in my pregnancy books. I expected the bleeding gums and gross taste. Heck I even got an expensive Sonicare tooth brush to help combat the woes of pregnancy mouth.

I wish I could just yank the teeth myself but I shall have to make an appointment with my dentist for next month after Runa is with us. I had been meaning to get them taken care of anyhow, they are tight against my mouth and nearly impossible to clean around. The gum line around both sets (top and bottom) is always inflamed and prone to bleeding.

Then last night I was noticing how every time I went to the bathroom, I would finish and come back downstairs and still feel like my urethra was trying to open up and let a little loose!!! Uncomfortable but nothing new considering my long history being prone to Urinary Track Infections. Well, later on that evening I sneezed and peed myself. Glory, glory, hallelujah, I'm incontinent. No not really, just pregnant, but this really wasn't fun.

I had my last blood test this week, got the results today and low and behold it was WORSE than last time!! It certainly explains the extreme tiredness I have been experiencing yet again. My midwife said I am still safe for home birth but JUST barely so. If I can't stop bleeding after I give birth to her, I don't want to risk a home birth (I'm not that stubborn) but this has been my dream!! I have practically demonized the very idea of a hospital since my time spent in one trying to figure out my UTI woes....so this is not good.

It is certainly easily explained, however. I had run out of my Floravital (a gluten free liquid iron supplement) and because I didn't read the label hadn't been taking it as I was supposed to anyhow (twice a day rather than the once a day I was taking it). I had some samples but was spacing them out and finally was out of those too. I have been eating pretty poorly due to feeling so tired and lazy.

SO, besides sleeping poorly, peeling cracked nipples, groin pain that comes and goes, and everything else I'm dealing with I now have to get my blood vital and strengthened in a matter of at most 4 weeks.

My mantra is that this is all preparing me for the real struggles associated with being a mother. That this is only the beginning and if I learn to surrender to it now and laugh, I will be better off in the long run. I understand I have the right to break down and have a bad day and just cry, and cry I shall! However, I also know that even the hardest of struggles will eventually seem small in comparison to the gifts my daughter will give me.

My love for my baby out weighs all these humiliating bodily actions. They are a part of this journey, meant to shape me into the strong woman my daughter needs me to be. If I learn to laugh at myself, I can teach her not to take herself so seriously that she loses sight of important things in her life. If I learn to ask for help, she will know it is ok to trust people enough to get help if she needs it.

Oh, Runa, you are going to be the greatest love of my life...and I am terrified and excited for it.

<3