it's a fat foot water retaining kind of day

It's snowing again. It's warm and cozy inside my home though, and I'm sure Runa feels warm and safe.

I pulled more stuff out of my closet today, some is going to a vintage clothing store for cash/trade and some is going up online. Every time I do this is can be a little difficult but the end feeling is lighter and more space in my room to move around and I do know...it needs to be done. I don't wear more than half of the stuff, even when I am not encumbered with baby belly.

Any room I can make for Runa is not only necessary, but an exercise in living for my child and not for myself. I can sometimes resort to selfish tactics to cope with life and there just isn't room for this anymore. It's time to face it; we rent a small house, and we have more than we need here.

There will always be amazing vintage items out there I can buy once we live in a bigger space, and have a better combined income. Right now, I can be stylish with fewer pieces in my closet. I need to learn to let go of things, so I can learn to let go of other things clogging up my psyche as well.

Here's a picture of her blanket:

Minty Fresh

Runa is very strong. I feel sturdy movement from her. So little and so full of fight! My bladder would appreciate a little less of her shadow boxing though...

I feel hungry a lot more often. I am always so excited to eat...my mouth actually waters and I feel so good after I do. I'm doing better with making sure to feed myself as well.

My boobs are a lot fuller and feel a little sore. I am expressing colostrum from both sides now...getting ready for Runa's first couple of days before my milk comes in. My belly seems impossibly large...and Runa is doubling her size between now and March 27th ^_^

Sometimes I wonder about when she will decide her tiny body is ready for this plane. Will I carry late..or will she come early? I hope not too early because Rowan will be traveling until mid to late March.

I am working on a baby blanket for Runa. It started out as a pink blanket. I painted my nails with Essie Turquoise and Caicos and while I was working on it I thought how nice it would look with mint, so now it is pink and mint... ^_^

trying to figure on a few more accent colors....

...hard to believe...

Next week is already the first week in February!

I was supposed to have some kind of baby shower, I suppose and a few people have asked about it. I honestly don't care about having one!

It feels like too much stress, and I just wish after we have the baby, we could have a party for you, and people could bring gifts if they wanted to. It just seems to me that we have been able to get a lot of things free from homes with older kids and babies, and that we ought to just get it all that way...I mean as much as what is possible. I know there are things we will need to buy new, but it seems like there are plenty out there that are already made, needing to be used.

Like for instance, bottles. What happens to them once you're done? They ought to just be passed on to some other new baby who needs them. I will be SO happy to donate and give away all the baby stuff Runa out grows!

i have become very conscious of the earth lately and I would like to be more kind to her. There are simple practical things I can do in order to stop contributing to pollution. Conserving resources, recycling things, and working in gardens are some plans for the new year.

Long term, I think I would like to take the chemical aspect of my cosmetology practice, out of my menu of available services. I would prefer to be focusing on wellness and natural beauty. I am becoming aware of every chemical I put down the drain now. Just as I am watching everything I put into my body for my baby, I am leary of how I am hurting the Earth.

I predict in a few short years I am likely to become a tree hugging hippie. I'm already lusting after comfy hemp sandals and homemade skirts and pants on etsy. ha ha

31 weeks ^_^

I have pretty serious anemia, and have been taking a liquid iron supplement in order to combat it. It is helping.

I had a rough week a few back, filled with restless sleep, very bad dreams, and a few burnt bridges. The anemia seems to be the core issue, though I feel no need for reconciliation.

My pregnancy is teaching me what my life is worth living for, and other people's vanity and closed minds are NOT it. I am not going to allow other people to make me feel uncomfortable any longer. I am not going to go out of my way for people who do not deserve my time or efforts.

I am going to start listening to my own heart more, and I'm not sorry about it.
^_^


I have been getting closer with my mom lately, which has been important. I feel as though the struggles in her life are lessening and she is trying for a new life. I am not holding any high hopes that we will have a flawless and perfect relationship, however, I am going to be more communicative. I believe that with time and compassion we can heal our relationship.

We are planning on working in her boyfriend's family garden this spring and summer (with baby Runa in the sling ^_^) and working with my husband's mother to learn about canning. I think what we want and need in life is changing, and it's becoming more about what is real and less about what is vanity.

I'm very excited for the future!

Hypno Baby!

We have started the Hypno Birth classes, and they are very useful! I am learning so much about myself. The breathing exercises are working wonders and I am truly finding that I have the power within myself to quiet my mind. Marie Mongan's voice through my ear buds guiding me is as soothing as listening to my Nana. It is really empowering and wonderful to feel as though I have control in a way I never did before.

Runa kicks like crazy almost all the time now. Big kicks that poke out and run the whole length of my belly. She feels strong and vital.

Today I had severe cramps and pain in my lower back, lower uterine area, and in my groin. Lifting my legs was so painful it made my bones feel like they were ripping. I will be so happy to have my body back in 4 months...I understand the accomodations I am making are for my sweet baby but it is becoming more and more difficult to function and move and I have 3 full months to go still.

I guess I must just breathe!

This Year, I Meet Runa ^_^

This is a picture from My friend Hope's lovely birthday party the day before NYE.

Today marks the first day of our 29th week ^_^ That means we have 12 total weeks til Runa's due date.

I had an amazing time with my friend Barbara at Camille Baughman's Theraputic Massage in Carlisle. I started listening to the Hypno Birth CD that I got in the back of the Hypno Birthing Book. Barbara endorses the process Marie Mongan uses emphatically. I am going to make some copies of the information in the packet we got and give it to my mother and Barbara so they can become familiar with the process. Even the language is different so it should be more successful for us all if we are on the same page.

Barbara wants to take a look at my birth chart and help me better understand myself. She is going to help me discover the proper way for me to meditate. I got a fantastic chart for free at cafeastrology.com. It explains a whole lot of things but I know Barb will have a lot of other insights to share as well. When she talks to me there is some kind of unspoken understanding...similar to what I have with my own mother. She can speak to a part of me that I'm currently timidly awakening within myself, and I don't feel afraid or anxious when she accesses it. I am excited for the spiritual work I will be able to do with the tools I am discovering I have always had.

I am particularly interested in the Saturn Return that is on the way for me in my 28th year. I know that the tools I am learning to use will help me with all the relationships in my life...including the new relationship I am going to have with my daughter.

It was a nice NYE, spent with friends and gorging myself with delicious food. Runa is always hungry and so am I!

Hoping to get to Baby's R Us this week with my best friend before she heads back to California. I want to price crib mattresses so we can set ours up in the bedroom and put the widdle sheets and bumper on... =^.^=

!

So excited!!!!!!!!

So, 2011 resolutions include working on the spiritual side of my existence, making more time for drawing and art, and adjusting to all the changes of sweet Baby. I think that's more than enough on my plate but secondary items include building my client book and getting an actual "work for someone else" kind of job that is guaranteed income.

It was a blessed and trial laden 2010, and I know the future will have it's ups and downs...but I believe in my husband, I believe in my heart, and I know life is only getting better ^_^

So far, so good!

due date: March 27th

Well, we are officially starting our 26th week on Sunday! 6 months and 2 weeks...and Mama is feeling the stretch!

So far, I have not sustained any stretch mark damage. I think my perpetual fear of them and the constant vigilant use of vitamin E capsules as part of my supplemental diet has been my saving grace thus far. I heard about this trick years ago and always kept it in the back of my mind so that I could avoid those nasty little confidence squashers.

I made a trip to Target to try to find a pair of pants that fit me...it has been very uncomfortable to try and manage the size small and medium skinnies I once wore with such ease. It was a difficult day already, due to some financial stress from Husband...but then I saw myself in the mirror in the dressing rooms. Granted, I have still been squeezing myself into the underwear I wore pre pregnancy...and not only do they not fit, they squeeze and pinch my lower half into a sausage-esque nightmare. AND the lighting was totally wrong...

I guess the kicker was that the pair of clearance pants I decided on were a size 9. Looking at my body in those mirrors was horrifying. Perhaps I am just a bit silly when I am depressed...however I have never been above a size 7...EVER! I can handle the measurements growing. I can handle being above 130 pounds...but for some reason the size on those pants, and the shape of my hiney in those mirrors really shattered some opinion I thought I had of myself.

Thankfully my mirrors at home do not cast such an unflattering appearance on my hind quarters...and I know that the extra weight will melt away after my little Runa is here. I am also blessed to have everyone I know tell me how beautiful they think I look for being pregnant and that I ought to be pregnancy modeling. I rather wish I could keep the fuller look in my face, particularly around the bridge of my nose and in my cheeks.


I realize that this is a neccessary process, but when you can't imagine what being heavier than 127 pounds is like, the physical changes can be quite surprising. I am blessed to have supportive friends and family, and a husband who still can't keep his hands off me from morning til night!

If anyone can take anything from this, I would hope it be that no matter how fat or scary you may feel due to your pregnancy, you are not alone! No matter how big or small you look, your baby is more important...take it as a lesson in humility, and learn to love your new lumps and think about how you plan to schedule mommy time to burn those buns back into their proper shape!! I'm day dreaming about breast feeding and brisk spring walks in our gorgeous stroller given to us by our mid wife. ^_^

Bring it on Runa! We want you as big and healthy and lively as possible! I'm sure you are worth every scar, scary mirror moment, and more!

<3