A Joy and a Privelage

What a beautiful past several days I have had! Baby shower on Saturday, Midwifery Workshop Sunday, and another beautiful prenatal massage with my spiritual Mother Monday. The last leg of this pregnancy is looking up!

here are the past few days in pictures ^_^

Camellia's Sin Tea Parlour

That's Hope in the pink hat, my friend Diana to my left and my mother in law to my right ^_^

Beautiful favors and gifts. Diaper cake, tea cup mementos for the guests with tea samplings inside, and my wish tree, which I was later quite tearful over when I finally got home and unpacked all the generosity of my friends and family ^_^



me and my sister in law Autumn ^_^



This was at the mid wife work shop ^_^

top hand on Runa's hiney, bottom on her head

my midwife, Rowan, listening to her heart beat with a stethoscope

this is me hearing it for the first time, i have heard it with the fetal heart monitor thing, but it comes out very electronic this way I could hear the tiny valves pumping...I got a little tearful, it was amazing!

my doula Steph listening to her heart beat through my skin! apparently because I'm such a small woman and the belly is so tight, it is easier to hear her from right outside. I think her placenta being on the back of my uterus helps too...

another midwife having a listen ^_^

I felt so honored and loved at this event. I was so glad to help out and lend my baby belly to these compassionate nurturing women who believe in a better way of birthing. I haven't felt so special and amazing during my whole pregnancy and I truly feel blessed to have had the experience and able to share it with my unborn baby girl!

36 Week Belly Cast!

Jason and I did our belly cast tonight ^_^

What a neat thing to have ^_^

Jason wants to paint a rose on the belly with Runa inside it, then make the sky on the chest with how the planets/stars are aligned for her birthday. I love this man, what a creative beautiful sentiment to have for our child someday.

So, since we now have roughly one month til our sweet one's expected birth day, we have some loose ends to tie up. Making appointments like dental since our new health insurance just kicked in, and making final house arrangements in order to have new furniture by the time she comes along.

I have made the tough decision to have my 5 year old cats declawed. That happens later on this month. This only comes after being subjected to painful "love" kneading, playful accidents, and least important, the shredded furniture. When I was a single girl, my crappy furniture could happily take a beating. My baby girl cannot take a kitty claw with out it ending in kitty death...and it would be nice to purchase some nice new furniture and not have it ruined. I have opted for the more expensive laser surgery, which gives them quicker/less painful healing time. My kids are indoor predominantly, and when they are out cannot be trusted to avoid things like oncoming traffic, so Mommy has to keep them fenced. It's not something I do with little thought process.

Our income tax return is paying for a new sectional with chase, AND kitty de-weaponry, thank heavens for that extra bit of money. I am looking forward to sitting on a new couch that doesn't have flat lifeless cushions and ugly shredded arms. The whole lay out of our living area is going to change for the better, not only making it cozier for us but making it more enjoyable to have guests over as well. My mother in law is supplying us with a sectional-matching cushy rocking recliner also for breast feeding baby at all hours.

I am anxious to get our space in order! I prefer to have a cozy guest friendly space, especially since I am going to need a lot of help with Runa in the beginning. I also hope to be able to do some nice things with the yard space this year, including a potted garden and some minor landscaping. We have to address the issues we have with mosquitos and fleas, but the past tennants have been able to make it nice back there, so I am confident we can solve that issue in time.

Oh Lordy, Troubles So Hard

*sigh*

Well today was a hard day, and before I go into why I'd like to say that I'm ok now, and feeling really blessed to have people around who care. I actually sort of asked for help for once in my life and was happily greeted with encouragement and support. I guess I better surrender to that action because from what I hear I am going to need it a lot soon.

So yesterday I ate my cereal for breakfast and then brushed my teeth. I seemed to be crunching on something which I thought just might be remnants of my honey bunches of oats, but alas, after running my tongue around my teeth discovered that two of my wisdom teeth are actually starting to crumble away. They are on top so I never even noticed until now that there was anything more going on than all the typical things I read about in my pregnancy books. I expected the bleeding gums and gross taste. Heck I even got an expensive Sonicare tooth brush to help combat the woes of pregnancy mouth.

I wish I could just yank the teeth myself but I shall have to make an appointment with my dentist for next month after Runa is with us. I had been meaning to get them taken care of anyhow, they are tight against my mouth and nearly impossible to clean around. The gum line around both sets (top and bottom) is always inflamed and prone to bleeding.

Then last night I was noticing how every time I went to the bathroom, I would finish and come back downstairs and still feel like my urethra was trying to open up and let a little loose!!! Uncomfortable but nothing new considering my long history being prone to Urinary Track Infections. Well, later on that evening I sneezed and peed myself. Glory, glory, hallelujah, I'm incontinent. No not really, just pregnant, but this really wasn't fun.

I had my last blood test this week, got the results today and low and behold it was WORSE than last time!! It certainly explains the extreme tiredness I have been experiencing yet again. My midwife said I am still safe for home birth but JUST barely so. If I can't stop bleeding after I give birth to her, I don't want to risk a home birth (I'm not that stubborn) but this has been my dream!! I have practically demonized the very idea of a hospital since my time spent in one trying to figure out my UTI woes....so this is not good.

It is certainly easily explained, however. I had run out of my Floravital (a gluten free liquid iron supplement) and because I didn't read the label hadn't been taking it as I was supposed to anyhow (twice a day rather than the once a day I was taking it). I had some samples but was spacing them out and finally was out of those too. I have been eating pretty poorly due to feeling so tired and lazy.

SO, besides sleeping poorly, peeling cracked nipples, groin pain that comes and goes, and everything else I'm dealing with I now have to get my blood vital and strengthened in a matter of at most 4 weeks.

My mantra is that this is all preparing me for the real struggles associated with being a mother. That this is only the beginning and if I learn to surrender to it now and laugh, I will be better off in the long run. I understand I have the right to break down and have a bad day and just cry, and cry I shall! However, I also know that even the hardest of struggles will eventually seem small in comparison to the gifts my daughter will give me.

My love for my baby out weighs all these humiliating bodily actions. They are a part of this journey, meant to shape me into the strong woman my daughter needs me to be. If I learn to laugh at myself, I can teach her not to take herself so seriously that she loses sight of important things in her life. If I learn to ask for help, she will know it is ok to trust people enough to get help if she needs it.

Oh, Runa, you are going to be the greatest love of my life...and I am terrified and excited for it.

<3

Almost Ready

It's getting close!

It's got me thinking about the journey to this point....most of it seems hazy and frustrated but I attribute it to the epic transition! It has been magical, sometimes painful, frustrating, mind blowingly amazing, humbling, enlightening...completely worth it and necessary.

I love you, little Runa! Your Daddy loves you so much! He bought the material to make a cast of us while your tiny body is inside me still ^_^ he is so excited! I am so happy to see him light up when he talks about you. We have our differences, but one thing we know is how much you are loved! I'm so glad we share ideals on how to raise you and nurture you. I know it won't be easy but knowing that we support each other makes it a lot less daunting.

I'm so tired of feeling tired. ^_^

Not Too Long Now...

Well it's getting down to the wire...it's felt like an eternity but now all of a sudden the time seems to be flying! In one week Mimi is having our first baby shower at Camellia's Sin Tea Parlor. Then the following weekend Aunt Autumn is having one for you too ^_^ Then about 3 weeks after that is your due date!

I can feel all the outlines of your tiny body inside my belly. I can tell what is a knee, or a foot, or a hand...in fact every once in a while I can see the out line of fingers through my skin and I swell with pride and amazement! I can't wait to pull you from the water and feel your skin against my naked chest.

Today I mused about what your skin will smell like, and watching you make your way to my breast to bring forth my body's natural and innate ability to feed you. I imagine those first few hours of your life here, quiet and exciting...finding out how much your little body weighs, seeing the change in your Daddy and watching him experience the greatest love of his life all over again...only this time so much more so than our wedding day ^_^

My head and heart are filled with thoughts of tiny hands and feet...a fuzzy crowning head...tiny baby lips and toothless gums. I wonder how your cry will sound...and if all these active nights have anything to do with how you will be when you arrive (which is fine with me, Mama's a night owl too!)

Oh Runa, you are already so loved and anticipated...I just cannot wait to meet you. I was thinking about how while you weren't a solid, written down planned baby, in my heart I planned you before I even met your Daddy. I knew I wanted to meet Mr. Right when I was 23, and 2 months before I turned 24, I met your Dad! I knew I wanted to get married at 24 or 25, and December 6, 2008, your Dad and I eloped in Hawaii (I was 24). And finally I knew by 25 or 26 I wanted to be seriously considering pregnancy...and about a week after my 26th birthday, I found out you were growing in my belly!

Had we waited to plan a baby, I would not have realized that I am meant for greater things than dealing in sales and numbers at some soul-less corporate entity. I might still be earning an income and spending it all on clothes and "stuff" to fill a void I just couldn't place but felt so overwhelmed by.

Because of you I now understand who I am and how to make my life useful. I care for others in a deeper way, and I understand the importance of nurturing and health. I do a better job with being compassionate with myself. I waste less time with people who clearly have no intention of being helpful and positive, and devote more time to people who are connected with the Earth and who have a good idea of natural laws.

You make us whole in a way no one else ever could, our first little love. I continue to be in complete awe of how you teach me more about love than I ever imagined could exist.

Food Blog

I has been feeling an itchy wrist to start making quilts....and maxi dresses. And baby maxi dress cocoons...^_^

There is a hole in the couch where the rear of this pregnant mama sits every day. Husband said his Mum wants to get us a recliner sectional for the baby and that makes me feel excited! I imagine it in maroon...and how much b.s. Ima hafta take about the cats and getting them declawed. Luckily it's expensive and we don't have the money!

I have ordered the birth tub liner ^_^ Waiting on it to arrive! Listed tons of vintage earrings on etsy: girltwinexchange There's also some vintage clothing, of which, I have more to list! Being home has allowed for me to have more time for these things...which I think I am going to enjoy doing more and more as I figure out my groove of getting it all in some kind of schedule.

Another client I had once had from Ulta called this week. Surprise surprise, their arch expert is horrible and their salon hasnt satisfied her. ^_^ So i have to give her a calla nd set something up before baby arrives.

Runa is very active and strong! I say this all the time but it's become my mantra for her! I want to raise a strong confident daughter who has been prepared for life. If she's anything like us, she will be sensitive and artistic and it can be hard when your feelers are naturally set to 'hyper aware'. My belly just ripples with her little elbows and knees and feet!

My body is doing better lately than it has however my throat up around my ears inside has been feeling like it could be sore. I have been planning our meals and lunches more closely lately and it seems to be having a really positive effect on my peace of mind. More salads and fruit options need to be the majority of our diets, no matter if we want to eat them or not. Once you push yourself to be healthier, the need for garbage food (our bodies doesn't process well anyhow) becomes obsolete.

I am begining to become keener with what gets wasted and what is used soonest as well. It seems in
7 full days we went through about

5 gallons of spring water
2 cartons of milk
3 cartons of juice

(cartons are half gallons I believe)

1.5 bags of salad greens
2.5 loaves of bread
one small salad dressing
1.5 containers of trail mix with nuts and fruit and chocolate
1.5 containers of almonds/cashews

about 3/4 lb lunch meat
about 1/2 lb cheese
5 apples
3 bananas
1 small package of blueberries

I would def step up the amount of fruit and nuts that I got, but maybe split up the shopping trips to twice per week. Salad greens are better if you get one at a time (by the bottom of the second you are starting to get slimy leaves) and I like getting smaller containers of things like dressing and mayo because it seems to be fresher product...tho the idea of all those smaller containers in the recycling bin does hurt a little.

We also got cans of soup and things like brown rice and canned veggies and meats. We seem to be eating salmon chicken and steak predominantly.

This summer I am hoping to have a raised bed garden with things like herbs, tomatoes, sweet peas, leafy greens like arugula and chikory and spinach. We have a family of squirrels I am nervous about...hopefully I can compensate them enough that they won't need my fresh veggies! We found our holiday pumpkins with holes and the seeds and pulp dragged out this year..ha ha, it was cute.

I hope to get into canning this year as well. My husband spent some money last year and bought the entire new printed series of the Fox Fire Books, so I have a feeling I am going to learn a few other earthen things this year too!

Oh the itching...!

Hands free!

Sweet Baby Ru, you have the hiccups right now. You get them a lot!

You are active and vital! You amaze me everyday with how incredibly strong you are and how my skin holds you close to my deepest parts. Our birth class friends gave birth to their baby girl yesterday! She was 4 weeks early but ready and doing well.

I am so excited to meet you!! I can feel your little joints, hard and searching the scope of your reach. You have a hard little butt you like to press in between my rib cage while I'm trying to sleep at night. I picked up the Hypno Birth book again today and am going to make it a point to listen to the cd every day at least once now. We are getting pretty close...time to buy the liner and get the tub ^_^

This is me and my Mom at church ^_^

My dad is giving us my great grandmother's little rocking chair...low and armless but one of the only heirloom pieces I have of my family. I will also likely pass on my crib too. I am happy to have the chair because it will fit in the house even though we have almost no space. I asked for it and there was no hesitation so that was lovely ^_^ I think My dad is putting some of the family geneology on it as well ^_^

I am carrying her out in front of me now, and high. Skin is tight, belly is hard. Baby is growing. Oh my...soon life changes forever.

^_^