Oh my sweet Runa Tuna..

In 6 days you will be 5 months old! You are the most wonderful thing in my life.

Where ever we go people love you. We were walking in town and a little boy on a bike saw you in the Moby wrap and said energetically, "I like your baby!" That little boy didn't realize that is one of the best compliments I could ever imagine. You seem to like people a great deal. Even while you look at them suspiciously I can tell you generally like energy weaving among people you aren't familiar with.

Lately you are doing so many new things I can hardly keep up! You reach and grab SO WELL it astonishes me every time. You laugh and squeek and cough and coo... You see entities I do not see, and have hilarious conversations with them. I wish I were in on the joke!!

You are really rolling yourself over well now, and I can see hints of you starting to figure out the arms part of crawling. You don't sit up on your own too hot, so it may be another month til I can put you in your Bumbo seat without being able to leave your chubby side.

Your laugh is PRICELESS. Your open mouthed baby kisses coat me in thick slobber and it's hilarious and gross and I love it. You have found your feet and it makes changing your cloth diapers (at 7 a.m. when I am groggy and grumpy and you are yelling at me) very difficult!! You have your feet in your mouth as much as possible.

You met the lady we named you after last week and she loved you. I think you really brightened her day! I am so proud of you, you do very well at church and ceremonies like your Aunt's graduation. As long as I am on top of your signals you are quiet and while this is no small job, I feel blessed every day that my child knows how to communicate to me with out being able to speak or use words.

You are my pride and joy, little baby.

Some squishy baby pictures!!

My Birthday and New Glasses!

Here's my dad with Runa on July 4th, my 27th birthday.

she's a little grumpy due to some serious teething. <3 my poor little velvet head. :(

My husband and I got our yearly set of glasses, thanks to our fantastic health insurance. Runa hasn't made any indication she needs them, but these were too cute not to try on! CUTE baby cartoon face, ahhhh!!!


Yes, I turned 27...I can't believe it. I remember when I thought 30 was old. Back when I had plastic horsies and obsessions with boys named Michael. Back when you are still a girl, but you know you'll get your period sometime soon cuz all the other girls have.

Now, no longer a girl, but feeling like a strong young woman...fearful but full of hoping faith isn't foolish, I realize 30 is really just the beginning. You still have 30 more good years if you play your cards right and even 30 after that if you're lucky.

So now I'm thinking about how our lives will be in 30 years...since I couldn't imagine it before. But I think I still feel that way. Runa will be around my age...what will she have accomplished? How will she balance her fire with her gentleness? How will our relationship have changed...?? So many things to think about. ^_^

Like how will I view this moment in time then?

Runa is growing all the time. She will be 3 months and 3 weeks old on Saturday. I am so excited for sitting up! And Rolling over!!! Teething is a bummer, she has been rather crabby. But she's okay with lots of naps and binky time.

I don't feel the need to fight with myself so much about "me" time anymore. One of the toughest things about Runa is she doesn't like to sit still too long. Constant change in pace, sound, and what she's seeing is pretty important to her. But she has taught me how to enjoy holding her and surrender to being present with her. I love the way she holds on to me and responds to my rocking and voice.

She amazed me yesterday... I unwrapped something and was crinkling the plastic wrapper. She seemed interested so I showed her and made exaggerated movements with my hands so she could understand. She let loose the vintage hanky in her hand, grabbed the plastic, and began to crinkle it!! I'm so proud I could blind everyone with this smile, ha ha. She is holding up her head and chest so much now, and lays over my shoulder squeeking and growling and listening to her voice.

I'm feeling like life is getting some where back to normal. There have been some serious bumps in the road but we are still going strong. I am kind of a 'severe highs and lows girl' sometimes, but I can say for sure that I have a beautiful and blessed life. I have been spending time with friends and feel loved. My husband and I are ever growing, as parents, and now more than ever as people. The world seems a far different place once you feel what it is to love a child and surrender your life to them.

I got this tattoo today (part one) and it symbolizes the constant growth of he and I's relationship. He is getting a matching one on his foot in a week or two.

two point five

Runa was 2.5 months Earthside as of Saturday. It has been a crazy ride so far!

When I think of her birth I am sent back into the incredulous state I was in when I looked down at my bloody little treasure for the first time. I imagined it differently, thinking I would be emotional and epically charged with some poignant moving emotions. Instead it was the deepest state of shock I have ever experienced. Wide eyed, charged with the intensity of the universe, and completely thunder struck.

One of many turning points during this last two and a half months. I look at her first images now and miss that little squish-shaped head. They are interesting little creatures...so tiny and so full of instincts and wonder.

Everything Runa does now seems like she has always done it. It gets harder to remember her when she couldn't hold her own head up. Her little baby body is dissolving into a chubby cherubic version of itself....a fat squishy baby with the best German cheeks!! She seems to be hanging on to the blue eyes she was born with. The centers are light blue like my friend Leah's girl were when she was a baby.

I wanted nothing more my whole life than to have a blue eyed baby girl. I also dreamed about a big brown eyed boy but that possibility has yet to be seen. ^_~

My friend Yana is pregnant!! I am so happy for her, this is her second baby. I met her when I was working at Ulta, she was such a beautiful pregnant vision. We got to talking and ended up facebook friends. I rented her birth pool when Runa came along. Now there will be 3 labors of love in that pool ^_^ Neither of us successfully birthed in the tub but have our fingers crossed for the possibility of one in the future!

I don't know how to feel about a second baby. I change my mind day to day. The timing would have to be right. I'm just starting to feel the liberation of wearing cute clothing, having more than just A beer, and fantasizing about art projects and new styling techniques. Another baby would just complicate finding out who I am with one.....I won't know for a few years. I do get a magical twinge in my smile when I imagine my brown eyed boy though ^_~

Runa is a feisty baby. She is incredibly sweet and docile when her needs and demands are met. She cries with an abandon I wish I had time to remember. Babies are honest if they are nothing else. Her eyes are hungry for every detail and she craves the vibrations of constant movement. She perches her wobbly little head on my shoulder and props a chubby arm under it and surveys her world....casually gnawing on her balled up fist and drooling down my arm.

I love her head! I rub my face in her tufted baby hair and kiss her constantly. She smells of cradle cap, baby slobber, warm silken baby skin, and sweet breast milk. She runs hot like her Daddy, so her sweat and mine are on a constant exchange. ha ha, Mama perfume is baby excrements. I love it.

Hope to have some pictures to share next time. Still working from the old lap top due to a crappy wireless card in my new one.

<3

Long Overdue...

I have so much to say...so much to catch up on...

Runa will be 2 months old tomorrow. I love this chubby little creature more than I have ever loved anyone or anything....it has been a beautiful, terrible, ever tempering experience.

I hope to post a birth story soon! I made sure much of it was on video tape. The basics include a 31 hour, drug free labor and birth, safely and comfortably in our home. She was absolutely perfect, her heart rate never faltered one time, my little fire goddess. Such a bright, alert, communicative baby. She breaks my heart and makes me cry with her need for my affection, care, and love. It is an intense and world shaking thing, being a mother.

I was highly idealistic before Runa came Earthside. I am learning not only about how to be her mother, but how to live my life all over again. This new life is such a delicate balancing act. I also am learning how to have a relationship with my parents all over again. I think I have managed to avoid any major melt downs, though I have had my moments of wanting to run into a wall repeatedly until I fall into a blissful 10 hour REM sleep...ha ha

I haven't the time now to really share anything else, but I have been in mind of my lacking blog attention. This is an I.O.U. for more baby goodness soon!

XoXo

A Joy and a Privelage

What a beautiful past several days I have had! Baby shower on Saturday, Midwifery Workshop Sunday, and another beautiful prenatal massage with my spiritual Mother Monday. The last leg of this pregnancy is looking up!

here are the past few days in pictures ^_^

Camellia's Sin Tea Parlour

That's Hope in the pink hat, my friend Diana to my left and my mother in law to my right ^_^

Beautiful favors and gifts. Diaper cake, tea cup mementos for the guests with tea samplings inside, and my wish tree, which I was later quite tearful over when I finally got home and unpacked all the generosity of my friends and family ^_^



me and my sister in law Autumn ^_^



This was at the mid wife work shop ^_^

top hand on Runa's hiney, bottom on her head

my midwife, Rowan, listening to her heart beat with a stethoscope

this is me hearing it for the first time, i have heard it with the fetal heart monitor thing, but it comes out very electronic this way I could hear the tiny valves pumping...I got a little tearful, it was amazing!

my doula Steph listening to her heart beat through my skin! apparently because I'm such a small woman and the belly is so tight, it is easier to hear her from right outside. I think her placenta being on the back of my uterus helps too...

another midwife having a listen ^_^

I felt so honored and loved at this event. I was so glad to help out and lend my baby belly to these compassionate nurturing women who believe in a better way of birthing. I haven't felt so special and amazing during my whole pregnancy and I truly feel blessed to have had the experience and able to share it with my unborn baby girl!

36 Week Belly Cast!

Jason and I did our belly cast tonight ^_^

What a neat thing to have ^_^

Jason wants to paint a rose on the belly with Runa inside it, then make the sky on the chest with how the planets/stars are aligned for her birthday. I love this man, what a creative beautiful sentiment to have for our child someday.

So, since we now have roughly one month til our sweet one's expected birth day, we have some loose ends to tie up. Making appointments like dental since our new health insurance just kicked in, and making final house arrangements in order to have new furniture by the time she comes along.

I have made the tough decision to have my 5 year old cats declawed. That happens later on this month. This only comes after being subjected to painful "love" kneading, playful accidents, and least important, the shredded furniture. When I was a single girl, my crappy furniture could happily take a beating. My baby girl cannot take a kitty claw with out it ending in kitty death...and it would be nice to purchase some nice new furniture and not have it ruined. I have opted for the more expensive laser surgery, which gives them quicker/less painful healing time. My kids are indoor predominantly, and when they are out cannot be trusted to avoid things like oncoming traffic, so Mommy has to keep them fenced. It's not something I do with little thought process.

Our income tax return is paying for a new sectional with chase, AND kitty de-weaponry, thank heavens for that extra bit of money. I am looking forward to sitting on a new couch that doesn't have flat lifeless cushions and ugly shredded arms. The whole lay out of our living area is going to change for the better, not only making it cozier for us but making it more enjoyable to have guests over as well. My mother in law is supplying us with a sectional-matching cushy rocking recliner also for breast feeding baby at all hours.

I am anxious to get our space in order! I prefer to have a cozy guest friendly space, especially since I am going to need a lot of help with Runa in the beginning. I also hope to be able to do some nice things with the yard space this year, including a potted garden and some minor landscaping. We have to address the issues we have with mosquitos and fleas, but the past tennants have been able to make it nice back there, so I am confident we can solve that issue in time.